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Losing our parents when we ourselves are adults is in the natural order of things, a rite of passage into true adulthood. But whether we lose them suddenly or after a prolonged illness, and whether we were close to or estranged from them, this passage proves inevitably more difficult than we thought it would be. A much-needed and knowledgeable discussion of this adult phenomenon, The Orphaned Adult validates the wide array of disorienting emotions that can accompany the death of our parents by sharing both the author's heart-felt experience of loss and the moving stories of countless adults who have shared their losses with him. From the recognition of our own mortality and sudden child-like sorrow to a sometimes-subtle change in identity or shift of roles in the surviving family, The Orphaned Adult guides readers through the storm of change this passage brings and anchors them with its compassionate and reassuring wisdom.
- Sales Rank: #20432 in Books
- Brand: Levy, Alexander
- Published on: 2000-10-01
- Released on: 2000-10-19
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x .50" w x 5.50" l, .52 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
- Da Capo Press
From Library Journal
The death of one's parents is "the ultimate equal-opportunity" experience; becoming an orphan as an adult happens to nearly everybody. Yet despite the flood of self-help books on death and the grieving process, very little (with the exception of Hope Edleman's Motherless Daughters) has been written on parental loss. Incorporating his own personal experience with the accounts of others who have lost their parents, psychologist Levy examines this profound life-changing event with compassion and understanding. Since our parents "project an illusion of permanence," writes Levy, their death forces us to confront our own mortality (we are next in line to die) and to adjust to our new identities as orphaned adults. Indeed, he argues that this stripping of our childish beliefs is the first step toward true adulthood: "Perhaps only after parents have died can people find out what they are going to be when they grow up." This wise and caring book is recommended for all collections.AWilda Williams, "Library Journal"
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
"I have never been more moved than by reading this extraordinarily personal, inspirational, and helpful book....Levy makes the old new and roots the new in the timeless. A gem to be treasured, a truly life-affirming accomplishment." -- Rabbi Earl Grollmanm, D.H.L., D.D., author of Living When a Loved One Has Died
About the Author
Alexander Levy has been a psychologist in private practice for over twenty years. He lives on a farm in Pennsylvania.
Most helpful customer reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
The most invaluable book I've read in many, many years!
By Two Dollar Dog
This is the first time I have ever given five stars to a book. I cannot begin to express just how thankful I am that Dr. Levy wrote this very personal, thoughtful and beautifully written explanation of all the feelings associated with the loss of the second parent. As it helped me to understand my feelings, it also helped me to understand my parents' feelings over the loss of their parents when I was growing up and how they were impacted and influenced by those losses. That in itself is huge! It helped me to understand the purpose of grief. It helped me to see what I knew in my gut but didn't understand until I read it - that grief doesn't take a linear path. That it really isn't a series of steps and processes. It's much more random than that. The book has helped me to come to grips with death as part of life and more than anything, it gave me the courage to fully embrace my feelings - to cry, to write, to talk about it, to pray about it, to help others when the occasion arises. I loved that Dr. Levy also wrote about how our spirituality is impacted by the death of our parents, our friendship ......so many things. I have already recommended this book to several people and donated a copy to our church library. I even wrote to Dr. Levy personally to thank him for penning this book. That's just how helpful I found it to be. While it is focused on parental death in adulthood, there is a great deal in it that is incredibly valuable to anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. I highly recommend this book!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
SOME WILL SAY THIS IS A WINNING BOOK ON GRIEF!
By Ann
I find this book to be a masterpiece in the writings about grief and much of the baggage accompanying grief. Grief can be as painful as it is necessary, and we all experience grief in our unique way and timing. Grief can be cumulative and appear years down the road and when we least expect it, if for some reason we have not been able to resolve or work through when the incident happened. Note the word "baggage." It is not particularly comforting when used as one more heap of stuff to weigh us down. But within the metaphoric baggage can be found TREASURES for the soul, mind, and body. We can discover the essence of who that person really was and celebrate in our way of commemoration. However, all relationships are unique to individuals, and there are not always exclusive pleasant memories held by every family member. This can complicate the process, but there can be resolution.Sometimes arranging to see a professional to resolve issues can be extremely helpful. THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR EVERYONE, in my opinion, but it is wonderful for some. I loved the chapter on OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN. Levy deals with the positive or negative influence a parent can still have on us long after their death. He shares some of his own personal experiences with his father. I also found the chapter on sibling relationships informative. Another aspect of loss can be the family battle over' I want that,' and I am entitled to what I want. Grief can be associated with many different situations. It is not always "death or a divorce" that brings grief.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
OUTSTANDING !!!
By Gglinds
Having lost both of my parents with the most recent being my father, I found myself experiencing a myriad of emotions that were quite frankly unexpected. I started searching for answers as to where these feelings and intense emotions were coming from and why. My search gratefully lead me to, "The Orphaned Adult".
This book is amazing to say the least. The author is forthcoming with the details of his own experience and I found myself saying throughout the book, " Yes! That's exactly how I feel" and, "...of course! That makes perfect sense."
I highly recommend this book not only to those that have lost both parents but to those whose parents are aging and to those that have one parent left on this earth.
I wish there was a higher rating than five stars because this book was a true blessing to me and helped me in countless ways.
Thank you so very much for taking on a topic that is so relevant and so important. Well done!
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